The Trouble With Penguins

    I have received many questions and concerned comments based on recent facebook posts regarding emperor penguins.  I hate penguins, I hate them with my whole soul.  What kind of animal chooses to be a bird and then does not opt for the gift of flight?  What is it that birds have to offer other than the ability to flap their appendages and soar gracefully through the blue skies.  If you choose to be a bird, make it a good choice.

    Males guard the eggs and the nest in Antarctica, what a moronic choice.  It gets so cold there your snot freezes before it even leaves your nostril. Of all the places on all the planet earth they chose to go to a frozen wasteland of nothing to stand on eggs only to have many of their offspring picked off by birds who were intelligent enough to posses the ability to swoop down from cliffs and glide using their wings to attack their prey.  Otherwise known as flying.  

   They are snooty suckers.  Penguins wear tuxedos all the time, ALL THE TIME!  They never even attend a single formal event and yet they are dressed up.  If you had a friend that always wore a tuxedo you would say, "hey jerk why you always wearing a tuxedo."  They stick their noses up in the air and strut around their frozen island like the rest of the world would want to join them in their pathetic existence.  Forget you penguins no one wants to live on your floating iceberg of reproductive chaos.  Know this penguins you all nest in the same spot the same time of year, you are all together with your future clutched between your worthless feet that cause you to waddle instead of walk.  All if would take is one little "accident."