Search This Blog

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Smoky, Salty, Drinky

Thank you federal government for having my best intests in mind. I love salty foods; chips, french fries, or  just sipping salt out of the shaker while enjoying my favorite soap. I also enjoy a few shots of salt on a wild weekend or after intimacy yep nothing beats a good salt.  The feds have recently informed united states citizens how dangerous this can be and are going to limit the amount of salt in certain foods. I am extremely grateful for their concern and willingness tell us what is best.  I mean look at the statistics you are much more likely to die from eating a big mac than you are from lung cancer from smoking.  Also the amount car crashes as a result of potato chip intoxication are through the roof! So many lives have been lost needlessly when someone out with their friends doing what was "cool" and eating tons of salted mixed nuts, lost control driving and took the lives of the innocent.
     I am also impressed with the programs they have enstated to stop salty snacking at a young age. Mcdonalds among other fast food service restaurants can no longer advertise a toy in a meal that does not meet government health standards.  An action of absolute paramount importance. Toys in salty meals are just like bullets in guns. The last thing we need are unhealthy children shoveling down hamburgers and french fries.  All we must do is follow the example of our commander and chief smoke and continue to invite over people you pubicly humiliate to have a few beers. Be healthy and enjoy the life you will be forced into.