The Trouble With Penguins

    I have received many questions and concerned comments based on recent facebook posts regarding emperor penguins.  I hate penguins, I hate them with my whole soul.  What kind of animal chooses to be a bird and then does not opt for the gift of flight?  What is it that birds have to offer other than the ability to flap their appendages and soar gracefully through the blue skies.  If you choose to be a bird, make it a good choice.

    Males guard the eggs and the nest in Antarctica, what a moronic choice.  It gets so cold there your snot freezes before it even leaves your nostril. Of all the places on all the planet earth they chose to go to a frozen wasteland of nothing to stand on eggs only to have many of their offspring picked off by birds who were intelligent enough to posses the ability to swoop down from cliffs and glide using their wings to attack their prey.  Otherwise known as flying.  

   They are snooty suckers.  Penguins wear tuxedos all the time, ALL THE TIME!  They never even attend a single formal event and yet they are dressed up.  If you had a friend that always wore a tuxedo you would say, "hey jerk why you always wearing a tuxedo."  They stick their noses up in the air and strut around their frozen island like the rest of the world would want to join them in their pathetic existence.  Forget you penguins no one wants to live on your floating iceberg of reproductive chaos.  Know this penguins you all nest in the same spot the same time of year, you are all together with your future clutched between your worthless feet that cause you to waddle instead of walk.  All if would take is one little "accident."

Bad Wrap for Skeletons

  



    As I slaved away removing a porch from a 50 year old house, excitement mounted with the extrication each plank, my head was filled with hopes of finding something long lost inside, a hobo or pioneer skeleton.  To my chagrin as each piece of wood lifted off the two by six foundation nothing was revealed, only dirt and wood.  I began to think of the consequences of finding a skeleton, police and reporters would come from all around to watch. KSL would do a typical terrorist news story finding out if the remains carried an ancient long thought to be gone disease.
    I decided had I seen a skeleton I probably would have been scared, just because everyone is scared of skeletons, except for other skeletons I suppose.  The prejudice against our epidermis lacking colleagues should not be tolerated.  Cast in your own mind right now, your door bell rings, you go to answer to find a 5' 10" shiny white skeleton tipping his hat to say how do you do?  What is your reaction? You would freak out, and for no reason.  Suppose he was selling door to door to be able to afford the mere necessity extra calcium rich dark leafy greens as his mother is suffering from severe osteoporosis, instead of helping a family you cast him off as naught all do to a preconceived prejudice ingrained into you from spooky movies and the steady stream of skeleton murderers that have been convicted.
   All I ask is that we all put our prejudices aside and only judge based on fact rather than the lack of color or skin.